Self-belief has nothing to do with looks, ability or talent, it is something that is inherent in certain individuals, perhaps through confident parenting, a good mentor or teacher – or a strength that has been acquired through sheer determination.

Years ago I spoke to the famous Actor and Comedian Mel Smith who would be the first to admit was not known for his good looks. But in spite of his irregular appearance, Mel was extremely charismatic and self-assured, and put this down to a Head Teacher at his school in Chiswick, where he was given huge support and instilled with confidence – which set him up in his adult life.

The opposite can also occur, as in the case of a stunning female friend who is riddled with self-doubt because of her jealous Mother who undermined her at every turn, and was filled with distain and rage if she became her own person and acted independently. Consequently, she now suffers from acute anxiety and lack of belief in her abilities.

Insecure people are not good to be around, and can destroy a relationship, through their own inability to see the positive in others – being blinded by jealousy, envy or fear.

A recent meeting of minds was almost destroyed by one negative member of the team, who could only criticise and yet not come up with any helpful solutions, which could have created an impotent element of self-doubt.   But due to the tenacity of the individuals, they identified the motive and removed the source, banishing the culprit from any future meetings.

I recently met a man who had separated from his wife after 20 years of marriage. He had endured mental cruelty for decades, as he had been subjected to years of negativity and criticism of all that he had achieved. He explained that when he met his wife, he had a thriving business, happy clients, and a wonderful circle of friends.

One by one all of this disappeared as she chipped away at his self-confidence, until he was almost bankrupt and socially isolated. It was only after a long illness that he decided he had enough, and is now rebuilding his life and re-connecting with his friends.

He is sad as he realised that his wife was desperately insecure, and criticised him to prevent her own deep insecurity ruining her life. She has of course had to take that back, and is now struggling to keep her head above water.

Negative people are dangerous – and if we recognise that we are home and dry. Remember THE SECRET which states that we are masters of our destiny and our own minds, and if we believe in ourselves we are on the way to victory. If we hang out with people who only see the negative, then we are on a self-destructive path ourselves.

Remember the Rudyard Kipling poem IF – my darling grandmother used to quote it time and time again, and I have to admit I used to yawn every time she did. But now I read it and think how clever Mr Kipling was to write this, years before any self-help books were published. The language may be old, but the sentiment is as current today as it was then, and it really says it all.


‘If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you’


Bottom line is, believe in yourself and you will find others follow suit.  So let’s try it and see – and bit by bit you will notice a difference.

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