SELF DOUBT AND ANXIETY – THE POWER OF PROJECTION

SELF DOUBT AND ANXIETY – THE POWER OF PROJECTION

It may seem these two disparate concepts are hardly related, but they often go hand in hand.

Many of us are labelled at birth by our parents, as the ‘clever’ one or the ‘creative’ one or even the ‘hopeless’ child, which is merely based on how they want us to live their lives.

I had a phone call last year from a close friend, distraught after her elderly Mother had thrown out some of her favourite clothes and childhood possessions.  Marianne had recently moved back in to look after her since her Mother’s physical and mental health had deteriorated, but had taken a short break away from the daily grind of being a constant carer.

On her return she had found her wardrobe and chest of drawers invaded, with half of the contents given away to charity.  My friend who already suffers from anxiety and self-doubt, was thrown into a major frenzy – and it took her several days to return to any sort of normality, blaming herself for abandoning her Mother.

This was however, the turning point for Marianne, who realised after several months of counselling that it was in fact her Mother’s way of getting Marianne to carry the rage and anxiety she had been feeling herself prior to her outburst.

Added to this Marianne had always been told that out of all of her siblings, she was the one who was the major disappointment, and would never make anything of her life.  On the contrary, she has been a high achiever, even more so than her two sisters, but who constantly seeks her Mother’s approval, which is never recognised in spite of her major accolades in her successful career in the City.

How many times do you hear in a marriage or relationship breakup, that the man or woman has to leave because his partner is ‘crazy’.    This always sits uncomfortably with me, because you can bet that they will go on to meet someone else and evoke the same pattern of behaviour in their new relationship.

Therapists and psycho analysts call this ‘projection’ as they are in fact again getting their partners to carry their anxiety or feelings of hopelessness so that they don’t have to.

If this is hard to digest, let me give you a very simple example of how it works and how toxic this type of ‘projection’ can be.  A close friend who is also an exceptional therapist had a new client several years ago who was suffering from depression, so badly that he wanted to end his life.  My therapist friend David spent the entire session baffled by his account of what had happened since his wife’s departure, and at the end of the session told her he felt he was carrying his partner’s feelings of desperation.   He left feeling a lot happier.

Two hours later his estranged wife called him saying she was feeling suicidal and wanted to give the relationship another go!  He thankfully declined, and as far as I know, has remained anxiety free ever since.

I hope this may be helpful to those of you who are suffering with anxiety and depression, because if you look closely, you may find some of it may not even be yours to carry.

If you or anyone you know are struggling please check out the following websites for
help or just for someone to talk to

https://www.nhs.uk
https://www.mind.org.uk
https://www.thecalmzone.net/
https://www.samaritans.org/
https://www.rethink.org/

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CELEBRATING SYLVIA ANDERSON ON INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY – A PIONEER FOR WOMEN IN TELEVISION

CELEBRATING SYLVIA ANDERSON ON INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY – A PIONEER FOR WOMEN IN TELEVISION

Sylvia Anderson was born in Camberwell, London to Sid (Tiger) Thomas, a formidable bare knuckle Boxer and Beatrice Aberdeen-Thomas, a Seamstress and Dress Designer. 

Sylvia Anderson
Sylvia during making of Thunderbirds TV Series

Sylvia’s early ambition was to become an Actress, as she became enthralled with theatre and Hollywood movies as she grew up in war torn London.   She won a scholarship to the London School of Economics, and eventually become a writer and film producer. 

Sylvia met her husband Gerry Anderson in the late fifties and they became the most admired and successful husband and wife team in the history of television, producing epics like Thunderbirds and Captain Scarlet.

Sylvia Anderson - Thunderbirds Are Go Premiere
Sylvia at the premiere of the 1966 movie Thunderbirds Are Go

Sylvia’s creativity and inspiration lead her to create many of their characters, including the iconic puppet Lady Penelope, a female secret agent who smashed female stereotypes and was an inspiration to children across the Globe.  Sylvia knew the World needed an inspirational woman protagonist and so Penelope Creighton-Ward was born.

Sylvia and Lady Penelope
Sylvia and Lady Penelope

Sylvia then went on to create the Angels, in Captain Scarlet a fleet of female Pilots in the sixties, when women were rarely recognised as heroes, and so once again way ahead of her time.

Sylvia’s characters and creations are as strong today as they were when launched over five decades ago.  A Sundial Statue stands in her name at her beloved Pinewood Studios, where she visited as a young woman and had a vision that she would one day return with her own movie production.  This she achieved several times over, and is now heralded as ‘A Pioneer for Women in Television’. 

Sylvia with Lady Penelope, Parker and FAB1
Sylvia with Lady Penelope, Parker and FAB1

FAB

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY – THE BIG COVER UP

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY – THE BIG COVER UP

Grey hair is not always for the elderly. It can strikes when you are least expecting it, even at the tender age of 28 as happened to a friend of mine, who hadn’t a care in the World. So what does it mean to go grey – the ‘grey hair’ fallacy of worry and aging certainly doesn’t always add up.

 

It is a fact that 50 percent of us have grey hair at the age of 50, but it is not the only culprit. Redheads go grey first followed by Caucasians – and vitamin deficiency is a regular cause. Smoking is also a major player, and so a healthy diet and lifestyle is certainly recommended to prevent the early onset of grey hair.

Many of us chose to celebrate the arrival of grey hair and proffer a salt and pepper image. Others strive to eradicate the loss of their original colour and regain it with the many hair products and shades on offer in the High Street or in your local Hair Salon.

Some prolific celebrities are donning the red carpet these days with their shades of grey, and I mean their natural hair. Jamie Lee Curtis, Helen Mirren, Carole King and Glenn Close are just a few of the super famous who have opted to stay grey.

But if you are determined to eliminate, it is a skill in itself to cover the regrowth of grey hair, matching it against your own regular colour roots, and can sometimes need a bit of careful planning in the hairdressing department to achieve a natural look.

Constant Saloon visits can be costly, and so there are some tips to try at home for in between visits, or to replace them.

Grey hair is especially vulnerable to hair dyes – so ammonia-free products are the best formulas.

The new Umberto Beverly Hills U Colour and Revlon ColorSilkHerbatint Permanent Herbal Haircolour Gel is a very good option. When you wash, use a gentle, moisturizing shampoo to help limit fading, go for a product like Aveeno Active Naturals Nourish + Moisturize Shampoo.

L’Oreal EverPure Moisture Leave-in Conditioner is also a good option to preserve the colour. All can be ordered online or in selected hair salons and outlets. You can also do your own research to see what works best for you.

It is all about ongoing maintenance and if you get the products and the shades right, the grey will take care of itself.

 

 

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